


d-d-d-dynamite

by ffairyy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Handholding, Light Angst, Light Smut, M/M, Pining, and changkyun is jealous as heck, hoseok is needy and loves loving people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-11-29 14:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffairyy/pseuds/ffairyy
Summary: Changkyun had no idea when it had started to feel like there was dynamite in his chest whenever Hoseok gave his love to other people.He just tried day to day not to let it blow up.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> a little wonkyun thing I wrote to break through a writer's block... it's only gonna be 2 (max 3) chapters...  
> Title inspired by Lorde's "Homemade Dynamite" which is a fuckign masterpiece!!

_The way Hoseok made people fall for him always started with that spark in his eyes..._

 

Hoseok was cuddled up next to him on the couch in their dorm and played with the sleeve of Changkyun’s shirt. He always needed something to play. Or rather someone.  
Changkyun had learned early enough that Hoseok was powered entirely by affection and attention, by praise and compliments and definitely by physical closeness.  
And he gave his love away freely and sometimes naively and to everyone who asked and didn’t ask and it still just seemed to multiply inside of him.  
Like a damn hydra of love.  
You cut off one head and it grows two new.  
He loved free, loved easy and loved to love. Didn’t care much about gender, didn’t really have preferences in appearance.  
  
So the boys were used to his cuddly nature and to the way he sometimes just needed to be held and they didn’t mind.  
  
Changkyun tried not to get distracted by the way Hoseok slipped his hand into his sleeve and let his fingertips trace along his wrist. He was playing like he always did and Changkyun tried not to let the silly tingling in his arms and stomach get to him.  
There was the way he smelled; a new perfume on his neck, maybe in his hair? And how warm his shoulder pressed into Changkyun’s, how soft his fingers were and how ridiculous and charming his chuckle sounded when Changkyun pinched him in the side.  
Just slightly. He wasn’t even sure why.  
  
 It was such an auto-mechanism between them, the teasing.  
And all their teasing made it easier for Changkyun to keep his head playful around him, to excuse the tingles and to not get too damn flustered when Hoseok touched him.  
Innocently like that.  
 With just his fingertips in his sleeve, drawing little circles on his skin and humming comfortably next to him. In the most Hoseok way.  
  
And Changkyun would settle for that. For getting to hug him when Hoseok was feeling extra cuddly and for patting his back whenever he felt a bit down.  
He’d be okay with just the little innocent touches on the couch when they watched a movie or the way Hoseok came to him when he needed to talk or always asked Changkyun trice if he was okay when he was just tired, thank you.  
  
But then Hoseok would turn around and hug Minhyuk just as tight, just as warm, just as tender as he did with Changkyun.  
Then he had to see Hoseok and Kihyun sitting on the couch in the middle of the night, talking about everything and nothing, sharing worries and comforting each other.  
 Like he and Changkyun would.  
  
Every damn time, when he had to be reminded that no, he was nothing special and it was just Hoseok’s warm nature and his people-loving self that made them become so close, something disgusting started to stir in his stomach.  
Something bitter and ugly and stubborn.  
Because while Hoseok walked around giving his love to everyone and anyone, Changkyun only had eyes for him.

  
Changkyun didn’t pay much attention to the drama they watched, partly because it wasn’t all that good, even though Jooheon’s eyes were glued to the screen, and partly because Hoseok took up all of his attention.  
With the way he radiated warmth and a bit of neediness and all the things that made his scent so damn irresistible to Changkyun.  
Hoseok’s head was comfortably resting on Changkyun’s shoulder and he tried not to shift around, so he wouldn’t scare him away.  
  
Hoseok’s hand had stopped playing with his arm and smoothly interlaced his fingers with Changkyun’s and made tiny fireworks go off in his stomach. Not that he cared.  
He was so damn naive, that man.  
The way he touched people and didn’t think twice about the consequences. Changkyun was sure he didn’t even think of the possibility that he made all of them fall like dominoes. Boys and girls alike.  
 In some way.  
Be it in an idolizing way, in a platonic way, or in Changkyun’s case a not so platonic way.  
Everyone who crossed his path fell a little and Hoseok didn’t even think to check the road behind him.  
  
“You’re hot,” Hoseok mumbled into Changkyun’s shoulder and his heart sped up at his raspy voice.  
  
“What?”  
He looked down to where Hoseok lifted his head off his shoulder and looked at him through heavy eyelashes, smiling a sleepy smile and taking a deep breath.  
  
“You’re too hot,” Hoseok then whined again, now in discomfort, sitting up and letting go off Changkyun’s hand. “I’m sweating.”  
  
“Then open a window,” Minhyuk said.  
  
“I don’t want bugs,” Hoseok grumbled. ”That’s how you get bugs.”  
  
“Well shit Hyung,” Jooheon groaned. “We’re all sweating. Now shhhh!”

Hoseok looked at Jooheon, who sat on the edge of the couch now, closer to the TV, trying to understand what the people on the screen were talking. Then he looked at Changkyun.  
  
“Changkyunnie,” Hoseok said in disbelief. “He just shhhd me!”  
  
“What am I supposed to do?”Changkyun brought out. His heart was still too excited for no damn reason.  
  
“I don’t know,” Hoseok shrugged and cuddled back onto his side. “Fight for my justice or something.”  
  
When he took Changkyun’s hand back to himself as if it belonged to him and interlaced their fingers again, Changkyun felt the heat in his whole body.  
Why was handholding such a casual thing for Hoseok to do? And did the other boys let themselves be handled like this?  
 Or did they just pull their hands away?  
 Changkyun made a mental note to keep an eye on that the next time Hoseok held someone else’s hand.

“I thought you were sweating?” he mumbled.  
  
“Don’t care,” Hoseok said. “Do you?”

“No.”  
  
-

He’d settle for that. He really would.  
 But then there were things Hoseok did that had nothing to do with Changkyun and never would. And they brought the feeling in his body back. The bit of fear mixed with ugly disgustingness. The dynamite in his chest.

They were backstage after the second of two concerts. Just them and their fans. No stupid comparing to other groups, no people in the audience who’d never heard of them or their songs. Just fans who supported them, and the boys who did their best to make the show a well-rounded one and to show everything they practiced so hard for.  
  
They’d just gotten off stage and the adrenaline was still pumping through their veins, the last relentless fan-chants still sounding through the half empty hall.  
The boys were still panting and grinning and talking about stuff that happened on stage. There were Jooheon and Minhyuk laughing over some mistake Kihyun had made and Kihyun ignoring them skilfully.  
 Hyunwoo and he talked to some of the background dancers, thanking them for their good work.  
  
Changkyun’s body was still buzzing from excitement.  
There was nothing like the feeling of being on stage, doing his thing in front of all these people who looked up to him for so many different reasons that he didn’t know about.  
Chanting their names; his stage name, Hoseok’s stage name...  
In the chaos in the small hallway behind the stage, he searched for Hoseok to maybe hug it out for a moment like they liked to do sometimes. To exchange some words of “well done” and “good job”, but he couldn’t find him with the others.  
  
He was just about to shrug it off, when he found him standing with their dancers.  
Or. One of them in particular.  
A handsome taller man, probably around Hoseok’s age if not older? His bronze skin still sweaty from dancing as hard as them, his black hair sticking to his forehead, and a black muscle shirt that showed his toned arms.  
And Changkyun wanted to look away, he really did, because he knew the spark in Hoseok’s eyes. Had seen it many times.  
The way he started to wrap people around his finger with the intention of loving and being loved in return. But it was hypnotizing to see him like that and Changkyun was like frozen.  
  
It would’ve looked so attractive on him, the way his eyes drank in the guy’s whole body while they talked. It would’ve been so hot if it wasn’t directed at someone else.  
Changkyun could barely remember the guy’s name.  
Was it Youngsoo? Youngho? Something like that?  
The dancers would only support them on this tour. Definitely long enough for Changkyun to learn their names.  
 Just long enough for Hoseok to not get too attached to the guy that seemed to melt him a little with his gaze.  
  
But the way Hoseok made people fall for him started with that spark in his eyes and his aura shifting slightly to something even more pliant. As if he was ready to become whoever he needed to be to be attractive to that person.  
 When he put a hand on the guy’s arm and leaned in closer to understand what he was saying Changkyun finally managed to turn away.  
Searched for Jooheon and Minhyuk instead. Ready to let their laughter drown out the last bit of disgustingness in his stomach.

-

Changkyun hated to be right sometimes.  
To be so damn intuitive about some things. Maybe just Hoseok related things really. But of course he’d been right about Youngsoo. Now he knew his damn name, even though he wished he didn’t.  
  
It was after a concert in Japan a few weeks later that he stupidly asked the dancers if they’d seen Hoseok. And they told him he’d disappeared with Youngsoo.  
Of course he had.  
  
  
“He’s so unprofessional,” Changkyun mumbled. Maybe he’d downed three of the celebratory champagne glasses that stood there for the whole team. Maybe he didn’t even like champagne at all, but maybe that wasn’t the point.  
  
“He’s old enough,” Jooheon shrugged his shoulders and took the fancy looking glass out of Changkyun’s hand, just to throw his own head back and chug the rest.  
  
“Yeah, but how obvious does he have to be? He’s gonna be the first one with some big scandal this way...”  
  
“No, he won’t,” Jooheon looked offended on Hoseok’s behalf. “You know he’d never risk the group. He’s got everything under control.”  
  
“I bet he does,” Changkyun huffed, but forced himself to stop talking. Jooheon was his best friend and he knew better than anyone that Changkyun wasn’t exactly the spitting fire kind of guy. On stage, maybe, but not when talking about others. Not in private. Not at all, really.  
  
And if Jooheon hadn’t been interested in the conversation so far, now his curious eyes were on Changkyun and he regretted ever opening his mouth at all.  
  
“Did you two fight?” he asked. “You seemed fine on stage.”  
  
“We didn’t fight.”  
  
“Is it because he’s with a guy? Would you be okay if he was with a girl?”

Changkyun sighed and bit on his lips a little.  
  
“Of course not,” he mumbled and Jooheon raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Then stop being grumpy, Kyunnie!” He smiled a dimply smile and wrapped an arm around Changkyun, pulling him closer in a nearly-headlock.  
It was suffocating in a comforting way. Like Hoseok cuddling to him on the couch always was.  
  
Jooheon patted him on the back with too energetic hands.  
Different than Hoseok’s gentle hands would.  
But Changkyun didn’t even wanna know what Hoseok’s hands were doing right now.

-

For all of their three Japan dates of the tour, Hoseok came back to the hotel much later in the night than the others.  
 If Changkyun ever tried to pull something like this, he’d probably get yelled at.  
But Hoseok was older, had more freedom.  
  
None of the others even had the urge to stay out in a foreign city. None of them had any energy left after their concerts, but Hoseok and his dancer seemed to never run out of energy.  
Maybe sex was an addictive kind of activity for Hoseok; maybe he got endless energy if he was just loved enough.  
 Not that Changkyun would be one to judge.  
  
The only few times he’d had sex hadn’t been addictive. They’d been more of a do, run and regret kind of activity.  
More of a temporarily satisfying and permanently embarrassing sensation.  
So what did he know?  
  
Maybe he’d stay out in Japan with a hot guy, too. Youngsoo probably fucked the way he danced, all smooth hips, rough hands and sweaty skin. Changkyun didn’t even wanna imagine Hoseok with him, because the last thing he needed was a boner at 3am in a hotel room he shared with their manager.  
  
 Maybe if Changkyun was out there with Hoseok right now, he’d get addicted to it to?  
But what did he know...

-

The worst was that Hoseok was the exact same around him as always.  
Once they were back to their routine, back to preparing for their comeback, back to being tired in the dorms, everything was like it always was.  
And why shouldn’t it be? It wasn’t the first time Hoseok had a fling. He never let it affect the group; he never even made a thing out of it.  
 But he seemed to need it and who was Changkyun to judge?  
  
Just because the pure thought of hands on Hoseok’s body that weren’t his own made him feel sick. Just because he lay awake sometimes thinking about these people who got to see, feel, experience Hoseok in ways Changkyun never would.  
None of these things gave him the right to judge.  
  
And it was his own damn fault that he didn’t know how to deal with a cuddly Hoseok when they sat on the couch together again.  
Kihyun was on his laptop next to them, Minhyuk splayed out on the carpet, watching a shitty dramedy.  
Hoseok had occupied half of the couch for himself, his head on Changkyun’s lap and his legs on Kihyun’s.  Kihyun’s laptop right on top of them.  
  
Changkyun mostly just tried not to stare down on Hoseok’s face and not to think about how inconvenient his head lay in his lap. Hoseok looked illegally good when his dark hair fell out of his face like that, all disheveled and unkempt.  
 His eyes sleepy and his lips plump. Changkyun looked at them every time Hoseok made a comment about the plot of the movie which only Minhyuk was following.  
  
 Changkyun stared at the TV but didn’t see a thing.  
It wasn’t Hoseok’s fault that Changkyun’s cruel brain sent him all those images. Hazy pictures of those plump lips making themselves useful between some stranger’s legs. Maybe a girl for a change? Working her up into a panting mess? Moaning Hoseok’s name? Maybe Youngsoo’s strong hand in Hoseok’s hair instead, holding him down?

Changkyun swallowed. He really couldn’t use those fantasies right now, but he was exhausted from dance practice and it was difficult to fight them.

And Hoseok shifted around too much, tried to get comfortable on Changkyun’s thigh. Wriggling around on the couch too much.  
  
“Can you hold still?” Kihyun said, slapping Hoseok’s foot.

“Sorry,” Hoseok chuckled. He was in a great mood and Changkyun wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He loved seeing Hoseok smile. It was hard not to when he radiated such a warm light when he was happy.  
 Sometimes he drowned the whole room in his happiness and didn’t even notice it.  
But didn’t it make a difference why he was so happy? It shouldn’t probably; if Changkyun was a good friend. But knowing that he had absolutely nothing to do with Hoseok’s smiles made the ugly feeling in his stomach return.  
  
At some point Kihyun had enough of Hoseok’s shenanigans on the couch and announced he’d “go the fuck to sleep”.  
Told them to clean up after themselves and disappeared into his room.  
Minhyuk didn’t make any attempts to claim his seat on the couch, completely entrancend by the movie.  
  
Hoseok looked up at Changkyun mischievously.  
“Pssst,” he whispered. “Why so serious?”

“Am not,” Changkyun hummed.  
  
He ignored the way Hoseok stared up at him a little longer. Or tried to ignore it. He was probably doing a terrible job at looking calm and collected.  
He was thinking about going to bed, too, but no matter what the situation was, it was always more tempting to stay with Hoseok a little longer. Just because he could.  
And that one fought for his attention again like he often did.  
Pinched him in the side a little.  
Changkyun just huffed.  
  
Then Hoseok lifted up his arm and waved his hand in front of Changkyun’s face so he couldn’t see the TV anymore. Not that he cared. At all.  
When he didn’t get a reaction again, he claimed Changkyun’s arm instead and dragged his hand to lie on Hoseok’s chest. Then he intertwined their fingers, holding his hand like it was nothing. Making himself more comfortable on Changkyun’s lap and he really couldn’t blame him.  
  
For Hoseok it was all fun and games and didn’t mean a thing, but Changkyun tried the rest of the evening to keep his stupid little heart from jumping out of his chest. And to not let it turn into dynamite again by thinking of other people who got to hold the same warm hands.  
He accidentally squeezed Hoseok’s hand a little tighter at the thought of it.

-  
  
America.  
Three dates done with. One more to go.  
They were backstage in LA and everyone was busy getting into the right mindset. The right mood. Gathering adrenaline and fighting nervousness. Jooheon was rapping nonstop and it drove Changkyun fucking crazy, but there was nowhere to go other than the small, packed room they were in now, a few minutes before they had to go on stage.  
  
Kihyun did some annoying vocal practices and Hyunwoo flexed his arms and pumped his body up, preparing it to dance.  
Hyungwon was still annoyed over something Minhyuk said and even though they’d resolved it, the atmosphere was icky.  
Changkyun couldn’t deal with any of them right now.  
  
He sat on the edge of a black, uncomfortable leather couch and had his head buried in his hands, elbows steadied on his knees, massaging his temples.  
He tried to filter out every thought that was irrelevant right now, tried to concentrate on the upcoming two hours of show they had to deliver.  
 On seeing his fans, hyping them up, following choreographies and spitting his raps like poison.  
  
The energy was definitely there today, a burning tension in his bones, but he lacked concentration.  
  
Every time he closed his eyes he saw Hoseok in that damn hallway, getting kissed hard against the wall by Youngsoo, both of them in their stage outfits already, Youngsoo’s hands on Hoseok’s waist, a thigh between Hoseok’s legs.  
And even if Changkyun had stood there minutes longer they probably wouldn’t have noticed because of how busy they were; absolutely lost in each other and their horny stupidity.  
Changkyun wasn’t even sure who he was angry at anymore or why.  
  
It was so reckless to kiss like that, in a place like that. It was so damn amateurish to do it right before a show.  
And it was so fucking unfair that out of everyone it was Changkyun who had to walk in and see all of it.  
 Well, not all of it.  
Hoseok still wasn’t there with them and they had barely minutes left and Changkyun wanted to burst.  
He didn’t want to let his fantasy search for Hoseok in places like backstage bathroom stalls, maybe on his knees for Youngsoo.  
  
He tried to wipe the thoughts out of his mind but they were everywhere. He’d never seen Hoseok like this.  
 Passionate, Needy, Pliant. Capital letter words everywhere.  
Changkyun hated it. Didn’t want that picture burned into his brain like it was now.  
  
  
Hoseok came rushing into the room just before anyone could accuse him of his absence and Changkyun forced himself not to look at him.  
Didn’t wanna see plump, used lips or clouded eyes.  
Stared at the floor instead.  
  
-

 

“You were fucking incredible today,” Jooheon practically yelled in Changkyun’s face, his in-ears still in and the energy of the stage still in his voice.  
  
“You too, man,” Changkyun grinned. Let Jooheon pull him into a sweaty half hug.  
  
They’d just gotten backstage and the last two hours were a haze in Changkyun’s mind. There was none of his anger or energy left, he’d thrown it all out there into the world and now he felt blissfully empty and didn’t even flinch when Hoseok came to join them.

He was panting and sweating and looked like a hot mess. 90% hot and 10% mess to be fair.  
  
“You killed it,” he smiled at Changkyun and something inside him melted a little. Hoseok’s smile wasn’t one of those that blinded everyone in the room. It was timid actually, a little sad maybe.  
  
“Thanks.”  
Thanks to you.  
 He didn’t say that.

-

It was the first night Hoseok drove back to the hotel with the others. Nobody mentioned it and Changkyun hated the way he was so satisfied that he sat in the van next to him instead of spending another night with Youngsoo.  
He couldn’t really tell if it was Hoseok who claimed his hand again while he leant onto Changkyun’s shoulder in the backseats of the van or if it was Changkyun who took his. He just knew they were holding hands again, quietly, casually.  
Hoseok’s thumb drew little circles on the back of Changkyun’s hand. More to comfort himself than anything probably. Hoseok felt smaller next to him than usually, like he deflated a little after being so full of energy and passion for weeks.  
  
Then he noticed Hyungwon, who sat on Changkyun’s other side and he caught him staring down to their hands and when he looked back up Hyungwon gave him a look that spoke volumes.  
There was something so genuinely wary and calculating in his eyes.  
  
And maybe Changkyun had been naive all along, but it was the first time he wondered if the others ever held hands with Hoseok at all.


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warning:** some alcohol going on here
> 
> also: some cheesiness and more annoying (but light) angst I'm sorry

_Maybe their glasses would’ve been half empty on any other day, but not when Hoseok was alone with Changkyun next to a fancy hotel pool, with sparkles in his eyes and sparkles in his glass._

 

  
While Hoseok had shared the room with Minhyuk in the last few hotels and the day before the concert, now Minhyuk had asked Changkyun to swap rooms.  
He tried to make it look like he was just really eager to have the biggest room for once, but Changkyun couldn’t shake off the feeling that Minhyuk knew more than he let on.  
  
When Changkyun walked into Hoseok’s room he didn’t take his suitcase with him. Just his backpack with essentials and some clothes under his arm.  
  
Hoseok was in the bathroom, so Changkyun made himself at home on the bed next to the window. His palms were sweaty and his thoughts racing. He hadn’t shared a room with Hoseok in quite a while.  
It was a rare occasion, because he usually was paired up with the manager.  
He started taking off the rest of his makeup with a wet wipe and tried to swallow down the excitement. He really shouldn’t be that happy just because Hoseok didn’t get laid.  
  
Just a moment after he couldn’t hear the stream of the shower anymore, Hoseok came out of the room with nothing but a hotel towel around his waist and let out a surprised screech when Changkyun looked at him.  
  
“I didn’t hear you coming,” he said.  
  
“You knew I was coming over,” Changkyun said, his voice a little higher from surprise. He could feel his face getting warm. Tried to look at Hoseok’s face instead of his built body. The towel that hugged his hips way too low. His wet dark hair falling into the face that had haunted Changkyun’s thoughts for so long.  
  
“Yeah, but,” Hoseok stroked back his hair, ruffled through them. “You still surprised me.”  
  
Hoseok fished some clothes out of his suitcase and disappeared into the bathroom once again. Changkyun used the time to slip into his sleep-shirt and get out of his jeans.  
When Hoseok came back he wore shorts and a grey t-shirt.

Hoseok rummaged around in his suitcase for a bit, acting busy and his moves were tensed rather than energized.  
Changkyun sat on his bed with crossed legs and watched him, his phone in one hand as an alibi.  
  
“I don’t know how you do it,” Hoseok said after a few minutes, finally climbing on his bed and leaning against the wall, sighing out loudly.  
“How can you just go to sleep after a show?”  
  
“Cause I’m exhausted,” Changkyun shrugged his shoulders. Something about the tone in Hoseok’s voice made his heart beat a little faster.  
  
“Yeah, but don’t you need to come down from all the hype?”  
  
Changkyun didn’t answer. He knew what Hoseok usually did to come down from it. Didn’t wanna think about it.  
  
“I just sleep it off,” Changkyun said. Maybe he sounded a little dry. A little too bitter, too. But he couldn’t help it.  
Hoseok was right next to him, his warm and open self and yet he was untouchable, unreachable. It was a question of pride and the last thing Changkyun wanted was to let honey drip off his tongue by accident.  
  
When Hoseok didn’t say anything, Changkyun lay down and made himself comfortable in his bed. His bones and muscles were aching and there was a buzzing in his ears because he never kept his in-ears in during concerts. Had to hear the people scream his name. Was a little addicted to it.  
  
But Hoseok didn’t let him off the hook that easily.  
  
“Changkyunnie,” he cooed and his sweet voice sounded dangerous. Changkyun turned around.  
“You like me, right? You’d do me a favour if it made me really happy, right?”  
  
“It really depends-“  
  
“I wanna go down to the pool,” Hoseok said and his eyes lit up with a spark that made Changkyun’s stomach tingle. “It’s open 24/7!”  
It was the most Hoseok thing to suggest.  
  
“That’s crazy,” Changkyun said.  
  
“Why? We just ended a part of our tour. We should celebrate! We can take something from the mini-bar if you want.”  
  
Changkyun hated how excited his heart got. How he’d already forgotten about his tiredness and the aching in his body.  
 The exhaustion.  
Hoseok’s presence made all the difference. It was a bit scary how Changkyun would probably follow him around the whole world without second thought if he just asked nicely. With his deer eyes, all innocent like that.  
  
Hoseok seemed to read his expression, because success was written all over his face when he grinned at Changkyun.  
  
“I’ll pay for the mini-bar?” He added, and honestly, how could Changkyun say no to that?

-

The pool was an artistic masterpiece, there was no denying that.  
Complete with a little walk through stone-cave and extra soft loungers and the whole luxury program.  
Changkyun wasn’t obsessed with living an expensive life, but now and then it had its perks that they could afford hotels like this one now.  
  
With champagne and red wine and a pack of chips in their arms they let themselves into the dark hall with just the swish of their card.  
The smell of chlorine and a quiet buzzing noise greeted them.  
A sign with the words “use at your own risk” written on it.  
Nobody was there at this hour and Changkyun couldn’t help the giddy feeling in his stomach when he watched Hoseok walk over to the loungers and grin at him.  
  
“Wine or champagne?” Hoseok grinned and Changkyun felt like he’d burst into stardust any moment.  
  
“Champagne,” he said and joined him.  
  
Hoseok opened the bottle and filled two glasses so they were both halfway full. Maybe they would’ve been half empty on any other day, but not when Hoseok was alone with him next to a fancy hotel pool, with sparkles in his eyes and sparkles in his glass.  
  
“Let’s stay healthy and go slowly,” Hoseok said thoughtfully, lifting up his glass. “Let’s never forget what’s important.”  
  
“What is it that’s important?” Changkyun asked.  
  
“I don’t know... just staying true to ourselves? Not letting fear rule us... that kinda stuff,” he smiled.  
  
Changkyun nodded.  
Then they clicked glasses.  
  
  
It was two glasses of wine and half a glass of champagne later when Changkyun watched Hoseok strip out of his sweatpants and then pull his shirt over his head.  
He only ever wore tight black swimming trunks, just short enough to show the flower tattoo at the curve of his butt, just enough to make Changkyun stare a little when he turned around.  
  
There were tingles in his arms and familiar warmth spreading in his stomach that could be the alcohol but also the fact that he was alone with Hoseok and he wanted to never share him with anyone ever again.  
  
But his thoughts were unclear and fast paced and then vaporized completely when he watched Hoseok jump into the pool.  
He looked like all of Changkyun’s wet dreams morphed together and it was nearly too much to sit there and watch.  
The way he stroked his wet hair back and let himself fall back into the water lazily, a big satisfied smile on his face.  
  
“Happy now?” Changkyun asked.  
  
“More than happy,” Hoseok chuckled. “Come in, Kyunnie.”  
  
Unlike Hoseok, Changkyun never brought swimwear, because he never used the hotel pools. Usually there wasn’t enough time or energy for that.  
So he felt weirdly exposed when he stripped down to his boxer briefs and thanked himself for putting on black ones that morning and not for example his usual white ones.  
  
They’d seen each other half naked so many times; it really shouldn’t make Changkyun feel like this. All excited inside.  
  
He took a deep breath and jumped into the pool as well, right next to Hoseok.  
The water was comfortably warm and his head swirled a tiny little bit when he dove back up from the water.  
He liked the feeling of wetness on his skin, loved the deafening silence under water when he dove through it.  
  
“We could’ve done this every night,” Hoseok realized when Changkyun came back up and he looked a little disappointed in himself.  
  
A weird kind of stubbornness came up in Changkyun and he blamed the alcohol in his bloodstream for making his tongue become this loose.  
  
Before he could think about it he said, “You weren’t here though.” He didn’t have to say Youngsoo’s name for Hoseok to understand.

He let the water carry most of his weight while he watched the expression on Hoseok’s face change.  
  
“Would you have joined me if I was?” he asked.  
  
Changkyun just shrugged his shoulders. He honestly had no idea.  
  
“He broke up with me,” Hoseok then said out of nowhere. “Not that it was anything serious to begin with.”  
  
Changkyun watched how he floated in the water, how the glow lights of the pool painted his face in red and purple colors.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he brought out. It was only half a lie.

“It’s alright,” Hoseok said.  Then he smiled again. “Wanna check out that thing?”  
  
He pointed over to where stone walls built a little passage and Changkyun nodded.  
  
It had something magical to swim into it. The stone looked like a real cave from the inside; there were only two little sources of light on the walls, painting the stone in a warm orange.  
  
“This is so cool,” he mumbled.

“It’s a bit scary, not gonna lie,” Hoseok said and Changkyun had to smile, because he knew the tone in his voice. Knew it from the many times they’d watched a thriller or horror movie in the dorm and Hoseok clung to his arm. This little undertone of wariness was the first step on his way to digging his nails into Changkyun’s arm in panic and screeching at every fast cut in the movie.

“Changkyunnie?” Hoseok asked into the dark and Changkyun had to swallow down his nerves. He sunk a little deeper into the water, hiding maybe. The darkness around them was comforting.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Are we alright?”

“I think so,” Changkyun said, his voice barely more than a whisper. His nerves acted up inside of him. His heartbeat was fast.  
He thought about the toast Hoseok had proposed and about fear not ruling their lives.  
He wanted to be brave, but talking was so difficult and no matter how much he’d thought about it, he couldn’t judge the consequences his bravery might bring.  
In this aspect Hoseok was more daring than him.  
  
His hand carefully found Changkyun’s in the water and he played with his fingers, a careful push and pull that drove Changkyun crazy.  
 And different from all the other times they’d done this, now there was no denying of how special it was. Not even Changkyun was naive enough to think Hoseok didn’t know what he was doing.  
  
“If we hadn’t swapped rooms...would Minhyuk be here right now?” Changkyun asked.  
  
“No.” Hoseok said, a faint smile on his face.  
  
It was so dark in that little fake cave that Changkyun nearly believed the rest of the world didn’t exist at all or at least far, far away from them. It felt soundproof, too. Maybe he could say anything he wanted in here; maybe his words were safe in here.  
  
“How about Youngsoo?” He brought out.

“I wasn’t meeting up with him to hold hands,” Hoseok said quietly.  
  
“I know.”  
  
Instead of letting go of Changkyun’s hand, Hoseok took his other one, too.  
Took a step through the water and closer to Changkyun.  
Changkyun felt a little dizzy from all the sensations.  
There was still the alcohol in his bloodstream, the glow lights outside of the cave that made his brain feel even slower and the dark stone walls of the little passage, water trickling off them. A distant buzzing sound coming from the pool filter.  
Hoseok’s eyes were just as clouded as Changkyun’s felt and he wondered if his heart was racing, too?  
  
He wanted to say something, but his mouth wasn’t cooperating and he wanted to float in this feeling a little longer.  
Hoseok’s fingers intertwined so naturally with his that it nearly made Changkyun laugh. They’d really done this a lot, but it was different now.  
  
“We should get out of here,” Hoseok mumbled, but his eyes weren’t convincing with how their glance fell down to Changkyun’s lips for a split second.  
  
“Yeah,” Changkyun breathed.  
  
It was Hoseok who closed the last bit of distance and before Changkyun could stop himself he closed his eyes and the next thing he felt were Hoseok’s warm lips on his. Wet and breathtaking.

One of his hands had left Changkyun’s and found his naked waist instead, underwater, all hidden from the world, fingertips touching his side softly, making his skin tingle, making his heart rebel in his chest.  
His hand lay there carefully while they barely kissed. Just open mouthed nothingness against each other’s lips, still trying to resist.  
Hot breath and closed eyes and hesitating. Still hesitating.  
 Their foreheads so close they were nearly touching, but didn’t quite dare to.  
  
They kissed once, twice, - then stopped.  
With their foreheads now pressed together they lingered there a little longer and Changkyun tried to swallow down the tingling and the wanting and the way Hoseok’s taste and his hot breath made his head spin.  
 He could still taste the chlorine on his lips and missed Hoseok’s warmth the moment they parted.  
  
He needed to feel it a little longer, a little deeper. Just the two of them exploring each other, now that they were so, so alone.  
Changkyun needed everything from him and he nearly threw his worries over board and nearly asked, but then he didn’t and then everything stopped happening at once.  
  
Hoseok carefully let go of Changkyun’s hands and took a step back. He looked so sad all of a sudden, and sorry.  
“I didn’t plan this, I swear,” he whispered. “I didn’t... plan this.”  
  
“I know,” Changkyun said, still breathless. Why was he stopping now?  When he needed him just a little longer.  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Now the cave seemed weirdly suffocating and Changkyun realized just how much his head was swirling from wine and champagne and Hoseok’s kiss. From his hands that weren’t on his body anymore.  
  
“Let’s get out of here,” Hoseok said.

This time there was no room for interpretation.

-

 

After begging the universe so many times to just let him have a taste of Hoseok, now that he had had it, everything was different.  
Things between them shifted unnoticeably. There was no space for innocent touches anymore; nothing they did or didn’t do was innocent now. Everything was so pregnant with meaning now that it drove Changkyun insane.  
 He could barely look at Hoseok without wondering what it meant. He could barely look him in the eyes without wondering if he thought of the same things he did.  
  
Hoseok didn’t dare cuddle onto Changkyun on the couch anymore, because when it had been nice and comforting then, it was dangerous now.  
Changkyun tried so hard to be a good friend, but he’d never really been good at it if he was honest to himself.  
And now he wondered just how much Hoseok had read in his kiss. Just how transparent he really was.  
It was so obvious that Hoseok had gotten lonely and needed his regular dose of affection and that, well, Changkyun had been there, willing.

There was no Youngsoo anymore, but Changkyun also lost the privilege of being casually close to Hoseok.

The night in the pool was burned into his memory like a hazy fever dream. He knew it happened, because it had left everything in shambles, but it didn’t feel real.  
Every evening when he desperately tried to fall asleep, he tried to teleport himself back into that pool and into the fake cave and right back into Hoseok’s kiss.  
But it never really worked. It never really lasted and it wasn’t half as groundbreaking in his daydreams.

They were so bad at dealing with each other that the rest of the boys could tell something was off.

“Are you two fighting again?” Hyungwon sighed, after Hoseok had awkwardly left the kitchen a few minutes after Changkyun had walked in.  
  
Changkyun just shrugged his shoulders. People thinking they were fighting was definitely easier to handle than whatever was actually going on.  
  
“We should find a new fling for our Wonho,” Kihyun said jokingly. “He’s getting gloomy when left alone.”

“Who do you suggest?” Hyungwon grinned.

“I was thinking, maybe that girl from the radio station the other day? She definitely had an eye on him!”  
  
Changkyun stood up. He wasn’t even sure what he‘d hoped to find in the kitchen other than his annoying flatmates.  
  
“Night.” He grunted and pushed the chair back a little too harshly.

“Jeez, we’re just joking,” Kihyun looked at him with raised eyebrows and a judgemental expression.  
  
“I’m still going to bed.”  
  
“Sure,” Hyungwon hummed. “Good night.”

“Yeah, good night, grumpy cat,” Kihyun agreed.

-

All of that romanticized bullshit about kissing your best friends was nothing other than that: bullshit.  
It had been four weeks and he was still tiptoeing around Hoseok. Of course they managed to be professional on camera or whenever they had to cooperate. Of course they didn’t actually lash out at each other or anything like that.  
 It was just like there was a growing wall between them that they accidentally started building and now couldn’t stop.

 

Changkyun’s jealousy felt different now that he knew exactly what he was missing when Hoseok flirted with a stranger or a fan or other idols. He didn’t actually start a thing with any of them, but seeing him play with the what-if’s made Changkyun’s blood nervous.  
The more he thought about it, it was Hoseok’s fault.  For touching people so damn softly and recklessly and never ever caring about the fingerprints he left behind.  
  
Hoseok was working late on a song; it was the third day this week that he hadn’t come home by 11pm. He often just kept on working the night away once he was back in the dorm.  
  
Changkyun sat on the couch alone and scrolled through social media on his phone while the TV was on. As background noise more than anything.  
There was a movie playing, but he didn’t pay attention.  
  
The others were already in their rooms, probably passed out in bed. Everyone was exhausted from practice, but something made Changkyun stay up.  
It was nice to be alone in the living room and away from curious glances and noisy questions. They didn’t actually ask that much, but it felt like he was carrying a banner over his head that said ‘Kissed his bandmate and fucking loved it’.  He couldn’t deal with feeling so found out, even though nobody cared enough to actually figure it out.  
  
Maybe he was lonelier than usually, maybe he missed Hoseok’s casual touches even more than usually, maybe it had something comforting to wait for him to come back home just to awkwardly say goodnight and watch him disappear into his room again.  
  
When Hoseok did come home it was a few minutes past midnight and Changkyun’s movie had ended and there was a rerun of some nature documentation on now.  
  
The door got opened quietly and Hoseok sneaked in, slipped out of his shoes and walked on socks into the living room.

“Hey,” he whispered and Changkyun’s heart woke up from a near-slumber.  
  
“Hey,” he looked at him from across the room. “Did you get work done?”  
  
“I guess,” Hoseok sighed and put his tote bag down on the floor. Instead of fleeing into his room, he carefully walked towards the couch and let himself sink down into the cushions next to Changkyun.  
“I’m working on the hook, but now I’m getting unsure about the lyrics...”  
  
“You write the best lyrics though,” Changkyun said and hated how sincere it sounded. Like they were both just too tired to keep stupid walls up for the moment.  
  
Hoseok just smiled and rubbed his eyes, before they sunk into a half comfortable, half unsure silence and watched pictures of some jungle fly over the screen. The volume was so low they could barely hear the voiceover.

“Why are you still up?” Hoseok asked after a while.  
  
“I’m just not tired,” Changkyun lied.  
   
Hoseok looked at him a little longer, eyeing him up from the side, and Changkyun pretended not to notice.  
It was still too hot in the room and his shorts stuck to his thighs and his mouth felt too dry and Hoseok’s presence really didn’t help at all.  
There were some colourful, tropical fish on TV now and Changkyun tried to find something to talk about that didn’t involve the elephant in the room.

“Youngsoo called me today,” Hoseok said, his voice barely more than a whisper.  
  
Changkyun hummed. Swallowed down the dynamite and nodded.  
Said, “What did he want?”  
  
“He says he misses me,” Hoseok continued, his voice serious and calm. His eyes still on Changkyun.  
  
Changkyun realized he was clenching his fist where it lay on the armrest and forced his fingers to relax. Breathed in deeply.  
  
“So you’re back together?” He asked, trying to sound casual.  
  
He tried to keep the lump in his throat from growing and watched how a fish on screen got swallowed whole by a shark. Tried to concentrate on that instead. The poor guy hadn’t even seen it coming.  
  
“No.” Hoseok said and when he didn’t explain himself, Changkyun finally tore his glance from the TV and looked over at Hoseok. He welcomed him with the hint of a smile, but then got serious again.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“He’s a good guy, but I don’t miss him,” Hoseok said. Then he closed his eyes for a moment, as if to collect himself and when he looked at Changkyun again he added, “But I miss you. And I’m sorry for screwing everything up. I thought I had this under control, but I didn’t...”  
  
Changkyun stared at Hoseok. How his eyes looked sad and churned up with regret. How he looked back at him, searching for something like understanding, but Changkyun genuinely had no idea what he was talking about.

“What are you apologizing for right now? For kissing me?”  
  
“Yeah, I mean no,” Hoseok stumbled over his words. “I mean, I don’t know. For not having this under control. My feelings for you, I guess.”

Changkyun felt something tingle in his stomach and his heart raced in his chest, when his brain slowly put the pieces together.  
He looked at Hoseok and how lost he sat on the couch next to him, in a pair of black sweatpants and an oversized sweater, tired and churned up.  
Changkyun wasn’t good at pouring his heart out like Hoseok. He wasn’t good with words and even if he was, his heart was racing so fast that he forgot how to form words all together.  
All he could do was turn a little on the couch and reach out for Hoseok’s hand and clumsily claim it.  
   
“I thought it didn’t mean anything,” he mumbled. Wanted so badly to explain himself, but he already felt so naked and vulnerable and Hoseok’s hand was distractingly warm and soft in his and it took so much courage to keep holding it.  
  
Then Hoseok got the memo, too.  
“Oh,” he said. The lump in Changkyun’s throat had melted, but now his pulse was loud in his ears and he felt a tingling in his arms.

“Come here,” Hoseok then hummed and Changkyun slowly leaned closer and into Hoseok’s space, not letting go of his hand. When he looked up he looked into warm eyes.  
All he wanted was to drown in them and let Hoseok take over. The air was thick with vulnerability and Changkyun wondered if Hoseok’s heart was racing too.  
“Can I...?” Hoseok asked and Changkyun nodded.  
  
Hoseok leaned even closer to Changkyun’s and looked him in the eyes a little longer.  
Then he overcame the distance between them and kissed him, a soft hand in Changkyun’s neck, holding him carefully and his other hand still heavy in Changkyun’s, their fingers interlaced.  
It was so different from their first kiss. It was curious and careful, but not as hesitant.  
Changkyun’s head swirled again, but without the alcohol- just from Hoseok’s lips brushing his and how slowly they moved and how intoxicating his scent was.  
He pulled away a little.  
  
“We can’t do this,” Changkyun brought out, when his head finally managed to catch up with his racing heart.  
  
“Do you wanna stop?” Hoseok asked and in the soft glow of the TV light his features looked nervous and raw.  
  
“No,” Changkyun mumbled. “It’s just...what about the group?”  
  
“We’ll figure it out,” Hoseok whispered, back to his comforting self. Back to giving off protective vibes and welcoming Changkyun to come closer and to drown in his embrace a little longer.  
He pressed a soft kiss to Changkyun’s temple and his hand found Changkyun’s waist, chaste fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.  
  
“Just tell me if you wanna stop,” he hummed, planting another kiss on Changkyun’s forehead now, then one on his jaw.  
Changkyun couldn’t help it. His bones felt like jelly, ready to melt under Hoseok’s caress and the last bit of doubt was washed away when he heard his voice hum his name so close to his neck.  
  
“Hyung...” Changkyun said while sitting up a little. He gave in and cuddled close to Hoseok, burying his face in the nape of his neck and letting his scent make his head spin. He felt strong arms wrapping around him, holding him close.    
Something about the late hour of the night and the dull orange light in the room and the fact that everyone else was asleep made it so difficult to feel responsible for anything.  
Hoseok was here with him, wanting him the way Changkyun had wanted him for months and he opened his arms and heart for him.  
  
“You’ve been driving me crazy, you know. Fooling around with these people,” he whispered and felt one of Hoseok’s hands in his hair, stroking the back of his head in a comforting way.

“I was so sure you were straight,” Hoseok hummed, apologetically. “I didn’t think you cared.”  
  
Changkyun huffed and then freed himself out of the suffocating, breathtaking embrace and silently climbed into Hoseok’s lap, straddling him on the couch.  
Hoseok held him by the waist and looked up to him and his eyes were warm and patient and Changkyun felt the tingles in his whole body now.

“I care though,” he said, pushing a lock of hair out of Hoseok’s face.  
And this time it was Changkyun who took the control over the kiss. He leaned down, cupping Hoseok’s face and tucking on his lips lightly, sucking on them, nibbling on them, playing the way he’d always wanted to play. Overwhelming him a little maybe, but he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help washing over him like a damn hurricane, kissing and suckling on his lips and cupping his face like it was made for his hands to hold.  
  
But Hoseok didn’t push him away.  
His grip was warm and steady on Changkyun’s waist and the little wet noises they made were intoxicating.  
Hoseok’s taste and his experienced mouth and the way it felt nearly natural to kiss like that, as if they’d both done it a thousand times in their dreams.  
  
Changkyun wanted the night to never end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was worse than the first chapter... i edited it a lot and i don't really know if I'm happy with it ://  
> the third chap will just be some (probably smutty) aftermath so yea :P  
> thanks for reading and comments are appreciated!!!! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and feedback is very welcome! ♥  
> And... I swear i'll update my other wips soon I'M SORRY


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